Your thoughtful story reminded me of particular events. I have been struggling with willful blindness for a while.
I would spend hours inventing excuses to explain why I am feeling bad. “ It must be frustration from work or that person who mocked me today as I fell down the stairs. Oh maybe because I am not making progress at the gym”.
The thing is, there is absolutely no need for an explanation. It is just me feeling bad, sad, depressed, angry, frustrated or whatever. Unfortunately, I didn’t even consider feeling my feelings. I was running away from myself and the cycle would go on for days.
Over time, I learned a bunch of things about me. As I got better at understanding myself I got better at accepting my feelings and dealing with them. I am a self-growth addict and one of the things I believe in firmly is that, in the process of growth, there are two omnipresent ingredients: figuring out who we are and accepting them every and each day. Hard to do but definitely worth trying.